


Far from Home.

by Gelflings_in_a_Tardis



Series: Death is the Beginning. [3]
Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - All Media Types, The Hobbit - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives Except Bilbo Baggins, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, Female Bilbo, meeting in the afterlife
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-14
Updated: 2018-04-14
Packaged: 2019-04-22 11:01:06
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,955
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14307243
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gelflings_in_a_Tardis/pseuds/Gelflings_in_a_Tardis
Summary: Kili see Billa's doom coming but cannot make it in time to save her. Now he has to wait to find her in the afterlife. Home feels so far away without his One by his side through this life.





	Far from Home.

**Author's Note:**

> This is a stand alone fic but it has the same theme as the others. You can read this one without reading Fade into Me.  
> Grey weather breeds sad stories in my mind when I'm bored. 
> 
> Inspired by Five Finger Death Punch~ Far From Home and Gone Away (amazing cover)

Kili's keen eyes could see it coming before Billa does, could almost see Mando's waiting on the sidelines for her as she puts herself between Azog and his Uncle. He loves her and wants to call her a "A Fool of a Took" in that moment as she tries to protect his family.   
He wants to scream her name, a warning, a call to arms for any Dwarrow nearby to go save his One but he knows that over the din of the battle he will not be heard. The wind whips around him there on his perch in the tower as he fires arrow after arrow, dropping the ones that would go aid the White Orc.  
" _Run to her."_ he could have sworn the wind whispered and he can see Azog stalking her across the ice while his Uncle struggles to rise. A blow to the chest from a war mace would stagger anyone; Thorin Oakenshield was no different and in that moment Kili's vision of his Uncle being close to a God dies.   
  
The sprint down the stairs is more irritating than taxing as he keeps running into Orcs that he was sure his brother had killed on the way UP!  
_Where in Durin's Beard is Fili?  
  
_ _Where is Dwalin? Why isn't he protecting Uncle?_  
  
_Have to get to her._  
  
_Have to save her!_  
  
_Fuzak will you lot get the hell out of my way!_  
  
His blade cuts through the Orcs and Goblins like they aren't even there and if he passed any of the Company in his dash he doesn't see them.   
It feels like an eternity as he bursts from the grey structure, his tunic soaked black with blood that is not his own and his sword dripping ichor into the snow at his feet. Screeching overheard makes his ears ring as he looks up to see humongous bats coming to the aid of Melkor's Spawn.  
"WATCH OUT!"  
Before he can find the owner of the voice, a warm solid body hits him from the side and tosses him across the ice covered ground. Stunned he rolls to his back to gape as the tower drops, burying where he had just been standing in grey slabs of broken stone.   
"What the- who the?" he pants before his eyes meet those of a blond elf, an elf that he had seen running around the rocky terrain as he and Fili had taken the tower.   
The tall being held his hand down to him and Kili took it readily. The strength in that slim hand was definitely a surprise as he was jerked to his feet in a blink.   
"Erm- Thank you."   
The elf nodded before turning in the direction of a new noise.   
Kili could hear it now, it sounded like something crunching rocks or...  
"Is that ice being broken?" he gasped.   
"Aye, Sounds like the Pale Orc is trying to drown your kin and the Halfling."   
He shot a black look at the fairer male "She is half of nothing."  
This would be the first time he had ever seen an elf surprised and he was in for an even rarer treat of an apology.   
"My apologies, Master Dwarf, I meant no offense to your little companion."   
He returned the nod before turning in the direction of the sound "I have to save her. Have you any other Dwarves?"   
The elf was about to answer when he spun with a bow that Kili hadn't even seen him carrying to drop an Orc archer above them in the rocks.  
"Impressive."   
"I saw some dwarves running carrying another down the rocks a while ago but that is all that I've seen of your kin."   
Dread made his throat tight at the thought of Fili being injured before a very feminine scream rang out. His heart stopped beating for a moment before his feet was pounding the frozen ground as he cried her name "BILLA!"   
The cold air burned his lungs as he ran and it felt as though his heart was freezing as he neared the river.  
  
  
The pain didn't even register in his knees as he skidded across the ice to stop beside her body; her blood turning the snow pink around like a flower blooming.   
"Oh no Billa." he groaned as he smoothed a shaking hand through her golden curls.   
She was cold but she had been cold ever since they reached Dale. Many hours spent complaining while cuddling with him about how they couldn't have picked a better season to go traipsing across the country and how blasted Dwarves didn't have the decent sense to know this wasn't camping weather.   
The roses that normal bloomed on her cheeks had closed leaving behind the freckles to stand out in stark contrast to her ivory skin.   
She looked almost peaceful in her death but the bruises ringing her neck and blood splattered on her cheek and breast stole it away.   
There was no sound, no sigh as he pulled her into his arms to cradle against him; running his hands down her found the mortal wound that Azog had inflicted before Thorin had ended the foul thing's life.   
From the damp soaking into the thighs of his trousers it was obvious that Azog had run her through right below the breast bone; a mortal wound to any but a few Valar touched individuals.   
"Oh Mahal, please don't take her from me." he sobbed.   
She still smelled sweet like lilacs as he buried his face in the curve of her neck, his bead and braid bouncing unheeded off his nose as he sobbed.   
"Pleasepleasepleaseplease" became his prayer as he tried to force some of his warmth into her, to share some of his energy and life force with her; as though it could be absorbed through her skin.   
The sound of his heart shattering in his chest was deafening to him but it was for his ears alone.   
"Kili? Kili, I am so sorry."   
Thorin deep voice washed over him and broke through his prayers of please.   
"Leave me." he choked out before the tears surged back up to close his throat.   
_Please Mahal bring her back to me. Don't let it end like this! I just found my One please don't take her like this from me before our life together has even begun. She is my Heart, my Love, my kiss Good Night. She is my North, my South, my East and West. She's my Moon, my midnight, my talk and song. I will love her forever just bring her back to me._  
  
The winter wind wrapped around them unheeded in his sorrow but no words were carried on it and it made him sob all the harder.   
"Kili, please, lets take her back to camp."  
"No!"   
The agony in his chest felt as though the shards of his heart were slicing into his lungs and throat while the tears still poured from his eyes. Words felt raw and bloody as he prayed to Billa's creator next.   
_Yavanna, Green Mother, Fruit Giver, Please do not take my One from me now. Please bring her back to me. She's so far from her Home with only me to mourn her. I'll give anything for her to come back to me. PLEASE! She's my Morning rest and sweet Good nights. My first and last kiss. My Home is in her heart and arms. Please don't take her from me.  
  
_ There he heard a sigh on the wind and it felt as though it was tugging her from him.   
"NO!" the scream tore his throat as he clung to her.   
" **Nadad,** give her to me. Let's take her home."   
Weeping eyes met darkened blue as he locked eyes with Fili. As always they could have entire silent conversations and he knew his brother's heart was aching for him.   
"Please, Kee? Billa wouldn't want you freezing to death after she fussed over you being warm enough for so long."   
That drew a small wet laugh from him but the space that noise left was the perfect opening for another wave to swamp him.   
He stared at her sweet face and at first thought he might be going blind in grief before realizing that night was falling. Not even time would stop for his sorrow and it made him angry, made him want to rage at the dying light for leaving him.   
" _Son of Durin."_ the breeze whispered as it lifted strands of his hair " _Do not despair_."   
He turned his face to the moon and he wanted to scream.   
 _How can the stars come out now?  
_ _They are not wanted, put them out. Pack up the moon and put away the sun.  
It should be written that all good is gone, for she is dead.   
  
_"Kili, let Bifur take her. Let's take her to camp and clean her up." Fili's voice of reason broke through and he hated that his brother was right. The feeling had apparently left his face a while ago along with his legs and it made tears creep up again as he let Bifur lift her slowly from his hold. The grizzled Dwarf held her as though she was made of fine porcelain like her Mother's china and his eyes were red in the moonlight.   
"Be careful with her please."   
" **Kun"** the toy maker hugged her close and he turned to manage the rocky slope back to camp; it was odd seeing the injured dwarrow on his own without cousin or brother nearby and Kili wondered where they were.   
  
Fili slide under his arm and slowly lifted him from his crouch, pins and fire danced up legs that had been bent for too long drawing a hiss from the archer. Thorin took his other side and they turned to follow the body of his One.   
  
There was a group gathered at the edge of the tent city and the gasp from those gathered seemed to ring in the winter air.   
Bofur was there on crutches that slipped from limp hands as he cried "Oh Billa!" before burying his drooping mustache in his hands, a wail escaped him. Ori seemed frozen by the tent they entered with tears tracking down his young face, ink well lying in the snow forgotten as it contents leaked out. Dori sat numbly by Nori's bed on the other side of the tent and just stared with a empty expression, later whenever he made chamomile tea he would cry while sipping it and talk about the tea he shared with the Hobbit lass. Nori was beside himself and when the time came left his favorite throwing knives and a single red braid to be buried with her.   
Oin checked her all over with the hopes that a spark of life still remained and when there was none the old Medic sat at her bedside to weep.   
Dwalin became like a statue guarding the tent and if any saw the silvery tears tracks into his black beard none mentioned it. Balin threw himself into his work and once the Library was restored there was a branch of it that was dedicated to Billa, The Hero of Erebor.   
Gloin tried to stay stoic and in control but for years after whenever he went too deep into his cups he could be heard telling tales of the plucky Hobbit Lass that had helped regain their home. Bombur took over how he thought Billa would have and made sure everyone ate while they mourned. Whenever he used one of the recipes she shared with him the gentle giant could be found sniffling as he stirred the pots.   
  
The candle light made her glow like alabaster; gone was the dirt, blood and tangles leaving her looking as though she was resting instead of dead. Braids with fine beads marked her as a member of the Company of Thorin Oakenshield, One of Prince Kili, A member of the royal Family and the final bead mithril amongst the gold marked her as a Hero. That bead was from Thorin's own mane and Kili couldn't breathe as his Uncle spoke the words to honor her and acknowledge her as the Savior of Erebor.   
  
The sun still rose and with it's arrival came Tharkun; the wizard looked far older than Kili had ever recalled the Istari looking before.   
"It is true?"   
Kili met those serious blue eyes and nodded watching the cracks run through Tharkun's composure. He bowed his head as the tears threatened again and come they did when he heard the most powerful being he'd ever met moan in sorrow at the sight of her body.   
" _Try not to weep Son of Dis, for you will find her again. Just not in this life."_ the wind whispered carrying the scent of fresh earth with it. The pain in his heart eased a little, air entered his lungs a little easier and he knew that the voice was right.   
  
  
  
Finding the door to Mahal's Halls was harder than he had thought it would be, extricating himself from all the family members waiting for him felt near impossible. Thorin had only been there a few years before he'd arrived but Amad had been waiting longer, Adad longer yet considering he'd died while Kili was still in the womb.   
Durin bless older brothers as Fili intercepted them and let Kili slip away; he'd come back but he had to see if he could find her.   
The Dwarrow that he passed looked at him as though he'd gone round the bend as he asked where the door was.   
  
Sunlight blinded him and the humor was not lost on him that he'd been blinded even though he was dead.   
The land sloping down from where the Halls sat were as lush and green as any that he'd ever seen; images of the Shire flashed in his mind as he knelt to feel the soft grass.   
A zephyr scented with apple blossoms twirled around him and he could hear feminine laughter in it.   
The laugh was contagious and familiar sounding as he let the breeze push him along, laughter bubbling up in him with a lightness he hadn't felt in so many years.   
 _Where is this laughing breeze taking me?  
  
_ The land seemed to shift around him rising into rolling hills in the blink of an eye.   
 _Mahal's Beard! What is going on?  
  
_ The laughter seemed be growing more vibrant as the wind picked up and pushed him faster over the swells of earth.   
  
Little round doors began to appear in the hills and Kili felt his heart skip a beat as he saw a familiar green door ahead of him; his feet slowed though as nerves made his stomach twist.   
 _What if she doesn't want to see me?  
  
What if she hates me?  
  
_ _Oh Mahal, what if she blames me for not being fast enough to save her?  
  
_ He froze at the garden gate just drinking in the sight of the bright green door, the warm glow from the little windows that beckoned to him. His feet stayed firmly rooted to the stone as scenarios ran through his mind and none of them seemed to end well. He turned to look down the lane trying to decide how to get back from whence he came, his hand resting on the warm wood of the little gate.    
 _Maybe I should return to Hall and let her be in peace._  
  
"Excuse me? Hasn't anyone ever told you that it's rude to loiter outside someone's gate?" the question rang clear as a bell.   
The pain in his heart at her lilting tone made him want to grab at his breast instead he stiffened his spine drawing to his full height. He ignored the little gasp that came from behind him and turned face the owner of the question.   
"Well Amad tried but there is just no teaching me some things, Mistress Boggins."   
"KILI! KILI SWEET YAVANNA IS THAT YOU?" her shrieks deafened him and while he was trying to regain his senses a very warm, soft form slammed into him. Instinct made him catch her but the momentum took them off the stoop and onto his back out in the lane with her landing on top of him.   
  
Billa was in his arms!   
She was warm, breathing and as sweet smelling as ever; she was also peppering his face with little kisses as he tried to catch the breath she knocked from him.   
"Oh my Kili, my sweet, sweet prince! I've missed you so much, my darling dwarf! I've waited as patiently for you as I could, my sweetling." she crooned in his ear as she trailed kisses over said ear and down his neck.   
He couldn't take it anymore and guided her lips back to his own with a gentle hand not caring that they were still lying in the dirt.   
That kiss was worth any nerves and all the waiting as the heat coursed through him to curl his toes and from the sound she made Billa felt the same way.  
She drew away breathless and laughing, her smile as bright as the sun as she beamed at him from above. The roses were in full bloom on her cheeks and her curls seemed more golden than ever; they put the golden beads in her braids to shame with their luster.   
"You- you kept your beads and braids." he whispered reaching up to caress her cheek, his voice thick with tears and emotions he couldn't seem to control.   
A tear of her own slipped down her cheek "Of course, my love. You put them there for me."   
"I've missed you so much."   
"And I you; Lets go home my Kili."   
  
  
  
 

**Author's Note:**

> Part of Kili's prayers is from a poem called Funeral Blues that was used in a movie called 4 weddings and a Funeral. One of my favorite Hugh Grant films. The author is W.H Auden.  
> Here it is whole...
> 
> Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone,  
> Prevent the dog from barking with a juicy bone,  
> Silence the pianos and with muffled drum  
> Bring out the coffin, let the mourners come.
> 
> Let aeroplanes circle moaning overhead  
> Scribbling on the sky the message 'He is Dead'.  
> Put crepe bows round the white necks of the public doves,  
> Let the traffic policemen wear black cotton gloves.
> 
> He was my North, my South, my East and West,  
> My working week and my Sunday rest,  
> My noon, my midnight, my talk, my song;  
> I thought that love would last forever: I was wrong.
> 
> The stars are not wanted now; put out every one,  
> Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun,  
> Pour away the ocean and sweep up the wood;  
> For nothing now can ever come to any good


End file.
